Thursday, January 22, 2015

You Might be a Cake Civilian......!

I posted the following list in 2009 to a website dedicated to the art and talent of cake decorating.  I dubbed the term "Cake Civilian" to that person who thinks they know all about cakes because they watch the Food Channel and just can't figure out why the cake person with whom they are placing their cake order, is getting redder and redder in the face as the cake civilian tries to explain what they want.

So to honor cake decorators everywhere, I re-submit the following humorous list of "You Might be a Cake Civilian if ........" characteristics!!

You Might be a Cake Civilian if......

  • You buy cakes, but don't make them.
  • You think "it's just cake".
  • You think they come out of the oven all decorated.
  • You think a 6 tier wedding cake is baked the morning of the wedding.
  • You understand that a 3-tier, fondant covered, 2 flavor cake covered with gumpaste flowers wedding cake is expensive ... but you think a 3-tier, fondant covered, 2 flavor cake covered with gumpaste flowers birthday cake shouldn't cost more than twenty bucks .... "Because it's JUST a birthday cake!"
  • You think you can save a delivery fee and pick up a 3-tier cake yourself .... and that it will ride "just fine!" on the front seat of your car.
  • You order a full sheet cake for a party of 15 people even though you have no idea how big a full sheet cake is but you use the term because you heard it somewhere. (Note:  A full sheet serves 100 people)
  • You think a "simple" cake is cheaper.  (The reason it's not is because you don't know what "simple" is in cake-world!)
  • You try to order a custom-designed multi-tiered cake the day before your event.  (Notice I said "TRY" to order!)
  • You've tried to order a cake and used the phrase "But I saw them do it on TV!"
  • You called at noon to order a cake carved to look like a Model-T Ford .... to be served at dinner at 5:00 p.m. and can't figure out why the baker on the other end of the phone is laughing so hard. (This one actually happened to me.  I told the guy, "Do you know how many DAYS it takes to make one of those?")
  • You want a 5-tier cake because it looks great, but only want to pay for the 25 servings you actually need.
  • You think a styrofoam fake-cake is free or ungodly cheap because that's what all the magazines tell you.
  • You will leave a loaf of bread on your counter for days and days, but won't eat a cake because it's not fresh anymore since it's more than 4 hours old.
  • You think all cakes are $14.95 because that's what Walmart sells them for.
  • You're not a cake civilian when you can read this list and laugh because you know people who believe all of these things!